1
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,939
Got a little
something for you.

2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:08,842
Man, she is a fly.

3
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,844
Not a fly, is fly.
She's fly.

4
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,914
I just wish I knew
what to do to get
a girl like her.

5
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,050
Easy. Be a guy
like him.

6
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:19,019
CHRIS ROCK:
In high school, you learned
that the type of girl you are

7
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:21,021
determines the type of guy
you go out with.

8
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:24,558
Nerdy girls hang out
with nerdy guys.

9
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,728
Smart girls hang out
with smart guys

10
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,563
and dumb girls hang out
with jocks.

11
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:30,598
Ladies.

12
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,335
And then there are the girls

13
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,669
that didn't hang out
with anybody

14
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,905
and the guys that made fun
of them.

15
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:41,409
We were those guys,
and she was that girl.

16
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,743
Man, look at that.

17
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,078
She looks like
her family gave

18
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,013
the baby back
and kept the stork.

19
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,781
Her name is Kelly,
but everybody

20
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:48,982
calls her "Big Bird."

21
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,618
Hey, Big Bird.
Yo, Big Bird.

22
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,052
What's up, Big Bird?

23
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,956
I wonder what'd have
to go wrong for you to end
up with a girl like that.

24
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,326
It's like being
on The Planet of The Apes,

25
00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:59,393
and all the apes
said, "No."

26
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,398
I didn't have anything
against Big Bird,

27
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,367
and unfortunately for me,

28
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,669
she didn't have anything
against me either.

29
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,039
You're Chris, right?

30
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,041
Yeah.

31
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,510
I've seen you around,

32
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,846
and I really think
you're kinda cute.

33
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,615
Do you want to hang out
sometime?

34
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:22,950
No!

35
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,452
Sure.

36
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,953
Where's an ape
when you need one?

37
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,404
* Aw, make it funky now.

38
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,084
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

39
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,090
While Big Bird was trying
to get with me,

40
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,092
Greg was trying
to get the lowdown.

41
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,094
Dude, did I see you
talking to Big Bird yesterday?

42
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,030
Shh! Yeah, she asked me out.

43
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,599
She's, like,
the goofiest girl

44
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,501
this side of Roseanne
Roseannadanna.
What'd you say?

45
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,969
I told her yeah.

46
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,037
Why?

47
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:21,074
'Cause she asked.

48
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,743
Girls don't ask
me out all the time.

49
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,078
Yeah, that's the beauty
of the situation.

50
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,080
You had a chance
to boost your low
self-esteem

51
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,082
by turning someone else
down for a change.

52
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,618
Yeah, but when
the girl asks,

53
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,785
you don't just say no.

54
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,921
Plus, my dad said
never to hurt a
girl's feelings.

55
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,756
Besides, they don't
take rejection well.

56
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,991
How are they gonna learn
if they don't get any practice?

57
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,794
Attractive girls don't
take rejection well.

58
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,363
Girls like Big Bird,
they're used to it.

59
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,697
You know what?
Fine. It's done.

60
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:44,932
I'm gonna go out
with her once.

61
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,934
Trust me. I'm gonna
make sure we don't have fun,

62
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:47,868
so she doesn't want
to go out again.

63
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,671
I usually did that
without trying.

64
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,407
While I was betting I could get
rid of Big Bird,

65
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,809
Vanessa was betting big
on the Jets.

66
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:56,810
Here you go.

67
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,379
Sorry it took so long.

68
00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,880
Five weeks,
you should be sorry.

69
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,482
You should have
saved your money.

70
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,784
I told you the Jets
were gonna win.

71
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:07,221
Vanessa, you gonna get enough
of this gambling,

72
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,889
I keep trying to tell you.

73
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,524
No, this is
a sure thing.

74
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,660
The New York Jets
have been on a
winning streak

75
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,562
like you've never seen.

76
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,929
They just got lucky.

77
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,931
I'll bet you they
don't win next week.

78
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,567
The Giants play the Jets?

79
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,002
No, they're just both
on winning streaks.

80
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,906
Wait a minute. This is the
dumbest thing I ever heard.

81
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,642
Your team is winning
and your team is winning,

82
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:31,579
but you both figured out
a way to lose money on it.

83
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,781
Well, all I know is
the Giants are gonna lose

84
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,316
before the Jets.

85
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,685
I'll tell you what. If the
Giants lose before the Jets,

86
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,753
the barbershop will pay
for you ladies

87
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,021
to have a night out
on the town.

88
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,424
Oh-oh, well,
start saving.

89
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,725
But what if we win?

90
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,628
That, that is not
going to happen.

91
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,631
Since it's not gonna happen,
say anything.

92
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:51,899
Buy everybody a new car.

93
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,002
Cook dinner for all the men
for a month.

94
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,871
Better yet, go out
with Kill Moves.

95
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,541
All right,
little Miss Naysayer,

96
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,909
I'll do that.

97
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:05,646
If we lose, I'll go out
with Kill Moves.

98
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,514
Ha!

99
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:12,420
While Vanessa bet on the Jets,
I had a date with a giant.

100
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,355
Hey, Chris.

101
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,923
Is that what you
had on earlier?

102
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:19,393
No, I had an accident
and I needed to change.

103
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,329
An accident?
What happened?

104
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:24,332
Oh, I didn't make it
to the bathroom in time,

105
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,300
so I to get something
from lost-and-found.

106
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,502
Wow, that's crazy.

107
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,003
It looks good
on you, though.

108
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,505
It makes you look edgy.

109
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:34,542
Even though my bad clothes
didn't seem to work,

110
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,478
there was more bad stuff
to come: bad food.

111
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:38,612
I never heard
of this place.

112
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,714
Yeah, everything
the serve is from stuff

113
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,417
that other people
didn't finish eating.

114
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,788
After the bad food,
there was a bad movie.

115
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,490
What's this called?

116
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,459
Leonard Part V.

117
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:52,560
Nipsy Russell's best movie.

118
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,428
They're doing a sequel
with Bill Cosby.

119
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,797
Stop you guys
from committing a crime.

120
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,900
After the bad movie,
we took a bad walk.

121
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,771
Hey, little dude on a date,
let me hold all your money!

122
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,875
Chris, come back!

123
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:08,942
No!

124
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:17,385
The only date worse than me
was Phil Spector.

125
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,919
While I was running
for my life,

126
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,054
Vanessa was running
her game down.

127
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,456
Listen up now, everybody.

128
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,024
Now, we all in this together.

129
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,626
So if we gonna win this thing,

130
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,528
then we got
to get our mojo working.

131
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,529
Mojo?

132
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,799
Is that what
we're depending on, mojo?

133
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,537
Well, what about the stats,
the line, the over, the under?

134
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:41,108
What about the odds?
The spread, the angle,
the handicap?

135
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,976
What about the hook,
the hot game?

136
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,945
You know, the rundown,
the system?

137
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,648
What about a tout,
the trends?

138
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,050
What about a wiseguy?

139
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:50,984
Everybody needs a wiseguy.

140
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,553
Rochelle,

141
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,987
I'll have you know

142
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,591
I have a very precise system
that's worked for nine months.

143
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,927
Really

144
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,097
Four out of five dentists
think she's crazy.

145
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,669
And I pluck three mole hairs
before every game.

146
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,838
And I been eating two
chicken-fried bananas

147
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,105
before every game.

148
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,507
Just two?

149
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,876
Well, I don't know what you want
me to do.

150
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:19,947
What do you normally do
during the game?

151
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,751
Well, other than serving beer
and chips, I'm usually ironing.

152
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,753
Did you do that week two
when the Jets lost?

153
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,621
Now, how am I supposed to know
what week is what

154
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:28,822
in your mojo world?

155
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,124
Think, Rochelle,
this is important.

156
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,693
Remember, I lost all that money

157
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,995
and you gave me that lecture
on "gambling is evil..."

158
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,565
That's when Julius burnt
my shirt.

159
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:42,903
Giants win 20 to 7,
Jet's lose 20 to 6.

160
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:48,041
Julius, my shirt!

161
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,044
What do you mean, you lost $30?

162
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,781
And every week after that,
I've been ironing.

163
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,083
And every week the Jets
have been winning,

164
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,051
so I don't care what
you do on Monday.

165
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,754
You make sure you iron
those clothes.

166
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,189
Mm-hmm.

167
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,092
Before ESPN, people had their
own roundtable discussions

168
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,595
by sitting around a table
and discussing.

169
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,697
So the girls at the beauty shop
made a bet

170
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,665
against the guys
at the barber shop.

171
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:14,234
It's silly, but the guys
are rooting for the Giants

172
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,470
and the girls are rooting
for the Jets.

173
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,038
That is silly. There's no way

174
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,608
the Jets are gonna continue
winning.

175
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,043
Oh, really? What makes you
an expert?

176
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,512
Because he's a man.

177
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,214
I watch football every week.
That's why I'm an expert.

178
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,650
So you saying I'm stupid?

179
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,151
This was not the first time

180
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,953
my parents had this
conversation.

181
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,655
It's too expensive.

182
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,857
So you saying I'm not
a good mother?

183
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:40,561
I just don't see what's funny
about a Volkswagen Beetle.

184
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,531
So you saying you
never should have
married me?

185
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,732
That's not what I said.

186
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,933
That's what I think.

187
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,668
The Giants are gonna win
the Superbowl,

188
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,270
and Phil Simms is gonna lead
them to the promised land.

189
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,138
Right, Daddy?

190
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,205
That's right,
sweetie.

191
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,507
You're crazy.

192
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,776
Wesley Walker and
Al Toon are having
record years.

193
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,511
The Jets are going
to the Superbowl.

194
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:58,512
Ain't that right, Mom?

195
00:07:58,546 --> 00:07:59,647
No doubt about it.

196
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,183
Tonya's right.
The Giants are unbeatable.

197
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,018
All right, Julius,
I'll tell you what.

198
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,921
I hate betting, but since
you want to run your mouth,

199
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,924
and call me names,
if the Giants lose

200
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:14,061
before the Jets do, you and
little Miss That's What I Said

201
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,996
have to clean up
after everybody else

202
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:16,997
for a month.

203
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,632
And if the Jets lose
before the Giants,

204
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,067
you and Drew have to do it.

205
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,302
You have a bet.

206
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,706
All right. You're gonna lose.

207
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,810
Since we had gotten off
to a bad start,

208
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,179
I was praying for a bad finish.

209
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,215
That was so funny
when you ran away.
You're fast.

210
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,250
You thought that was funny?

211
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,719
You didn't see
what it looked like.

212
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,688
Besides, that guy
didn't scare me.

213
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:41,922
He didn't?

214
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,092
No, I could see his thumb
sticking out of his gun pocket.

215
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:48,128
Didn't he take all your money?

216
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,330
No, he didn't. I keep
my money in my bra.

217
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,200
All he got was some eye drops
and some rash cream.

218
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:59,072
Eye drops and rash cream? Damn!

219
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:02,710
Little dude owes me a dollar.

220
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,012
After all I did to make things
go wrong,

221
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,214
I never would have bet
that things with Kelly

222
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,616
would be going so right.

223
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,954
Well, that was great.

224
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,322
Yeah, that was cool.

225
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,157
Well, I better
get home.

226
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,693
Yeah, me, too.

227
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,729
Everyone called Kelly
"Big Bird,"

228
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:25,633
but call me cuckoo; I was
actually starting to like her.

229
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,808
That kiss from Big Bird made me
feel like Superfly.

230
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,414
While I was flying
with Big Bird,

231
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,116
my father wanted
the Jets to crash.

232
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,818
I need the Jets to lose.

233
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,788
We're doing everything we can
to put the mojo on the Jets.

234
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,189
I'm wearing my lucky socks.

235
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,091
I ain't eating nothing
but bananas and peanut butter.

236
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,060
I'm gonna call 'em up
and I'm gonna threaten 'em.

237
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,494
What about you, Julius?

238
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:57,430
What did you do the last
time the Jets lost?

239
00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,868
It was weird 'cause I remember
I was ironing

240
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,135
because the Giants won
20 to 7

241
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,972
and the Jets lost 20 to 6,

242
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,607
and I remember thinking, "That's
one extra point worth of loss."

243
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,109
Well, you know what that means.

244
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,978
You need to iron on Monday.

245
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,612
ALL:
Yeah!

246
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,648
Keeping my relationship
with Big Bird a secret

247
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,516
was easy for the most part.

248
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,051
Turns out,

249
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:21,689
the person I had the most
trouble hiding it from was her.

250
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,957
I hid it during school.

251
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,794
I hid it before school.

252
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,965
I even kept it hidden
after school.

253
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:35,969
* Get away from the pain you're
driving to the heart of me *

254
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,271
What are you looking for,
Tender Love?

255
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,843
The Giants had won their fifth
game in a row,

256
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,545
and Tonya was counting on the
Jets' winning streak to end.

257
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,580
You better
pick that up.

258
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,216
I'm not picking
it up.

259
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,818
You got to pick it up.

260
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,485
And then you're gonna
have to clean the rest
of the house.

261
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:55,856
We'll see about that.

262
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,228
Kelly didn't realize that I was
avoiding being seen with her.

263
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:04,698
She just thought I was the
greatest phone boyfriend ever.

264
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,667
I guess my favorite rappers
are Run-DMC.

265
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,236
I love Salt n' Pepa.

266
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,804
My favorite character
from the Rocky movies

267
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:11,805
is Clubber Lang.

268
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,673
I love Captain Drago.

269
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:15,542
And I jumped off the top stairs,
started flying

270
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,577
and landed on
the Mary Jane Girls.

271
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,948
I had the exact same dream
except I landed on Rick James.

272
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:23,183
About the only thing
we didn't talk about

273
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,818
is when
we'd get together again.

274
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:27,254
So when do you want
to do something again?

275
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,521
12th of never?

276
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,191
Um... There's a football
game on today.

277
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,826
Maybe we could watch that.

278
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,995
Oh, my place or yours?

279
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,065
I prefer a secluded town
on the outskirts of nowhere.

280
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,168
Um... I was thinking
somewhere different.

281
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,235
Uh, where?

282
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:45,939
Let it, let it
be my surprise.

283
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,609
Julius, did you see my...?

284
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,644
Hey, Rochelle.

285
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,246
You ready for the Jets game?

286
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:00,921
You!

287
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,323
No good, low down...

288
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,258
Those are words
you can't say on TV.

289
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:06,259
Dirty,

290
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,260
good-for-nothing...

291
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,029
To-to sneak down here and...

292
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,230
What's wrong with you?

293
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,865
I'm just doing
the ironing.

294
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,972
I can't
believe this!

295
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,110
Good thing she wasn't
near the toaster.

296
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,578
...lose to Miami, 45...

297
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,250
While my mother was
going to kill my father,

298
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,286
Nessa was going
on a date with Kill Moves.

299
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,791
I liked seeing Kelly,
but I made sure to do it

300
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,793
where no one
I knew would see us.

301
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,261
That was a
great game.

302
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,263
What made you think of coming
to the Port Authority?

303
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,798
Just thought it'd
be different.

304
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,766
This is cool.

305
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,268
You want to watch
something else?

306
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,037
Sure.

307
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,272
Meanwhile, my mother
had a giant problem

308
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,807
with the Jets losing.

309
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,810
Start cleaning, Drew.

310
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,045
You sit back
down, Drew.

311
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,947
You're not cleaning up anything.

312
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,148
What are you
talking about?

313
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,050
I'm not talking to you.

314
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,986
You wanna play
dirty, stay dirty.

315
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:09,322
My father won a bet, but he
was about to lose a war.

316
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,026
:
We won!

317
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:17,764
Back at school, the early bird
was about to get the worm.

318
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,765
Surprise!

319
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,900
I found you.

320
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,101
Kelly.

321
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,769
Yeah, you did find me.

322
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,705
Um...

323
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,040
What are you doing here?

324
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,976
I wanted to see you.

325
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,411
It's like I never see you
around school anymore.

326
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,713
It's like I have
to hunt you down.

327
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,783
I'm almost starting to think
that you're trying to avoid me.

328
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,251
Oh. What gave you that idea?

329
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,252
You.

330
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,188
I'm just kidding.

331
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,324
Well, you know, I'm
kind of busy, so...

332
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,192
catch you later.

333
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,393
Okay.

334
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,761
I get it. No girls
in the locker room, right?

335
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:49,963
Yeah.

336
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,064
Well, I just wanted

337
00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,000
to give you something
before I go.

338
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,202
What's that?

339
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,307
Hey!

340
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,409
It's Big Bird.
Hey, were's Bert
and Ernie?

341
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,277
I guess that makes you
Snuffleupagus?

342
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,880
No, it makes him
Roosevelt Franklin.

343
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,149
Cookie?

344
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,951
Cookie!
Cookie!

345
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,187
Who are they making fun of?

346
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,689
They obviously watch
a lot of Sesame Street.

347
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:20,293
Chris, aren't you
gonna say something?

348
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,162
Or are you just gonna
stand there and watch?

349
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,797
Stand here and watch.

350
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,036
Fine.

351
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,404
Now I know how you really feel.

352
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,044
What's up?

353
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,311
Where you going?

354
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,412
Don't fall over.

355
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,389
While I was trying
to figure out

356
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,391
how to deal with Big Bird,

357
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:54,761
Vanessa was getting prepared
to deal with Kill Moves.

358
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,197
Good evening, ladies.

359
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,001
Kill Moves? Where'd
you get the car?

360
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,802
I don't know.

361
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,472
It belongs to his mother,
Mrs. Devereaux.

362
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,473
Wow.

363
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:10,410
You learn something new
every day.

364
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,878
Where's Vanessa?

365
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,113
Uh, this is me.

366
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,149
Where's that woman
you was just with?

367
00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,750
Um...
Just explain

368
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,086
when you get in the car.

369
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,353
Go, go, go.

370
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,255
Have a good time.

371
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,357
I think.

372
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,359
While Vanessa took care
of her end of the bet,

373
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,895
at home, all bets were off.

374
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,430
Dinner is served.

375
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:34,401
Rochelle,
this has gotta stop.

376
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,442
It never would have started
if you never cheated.

377
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,311
Cheated? I never cheated.

378
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,379
Oh, really? So out of the blue,
you just decided

379
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,015
that you wanted to iron?

380
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,282
Well, no.

381
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,351
You no-good, low-down,
dirty little...

382
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,452
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

383
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,521
What does me ironing have
to do with me cheating?

384
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,789
Because I always do the ironing

385
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,925
and every time I iron,
the Jets win.

386
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,261
but no, you had to go
steal my mojo

387
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,230
and ruin our nine-game
winning streak.

388
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,464
What?!

389
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,399
I didn't know ironing
was your thing, too.

390
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:09,136
The guys told me to iron
again, and I just did it.

391
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,206
Really?

392
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,475
Yeah. I play fair.

393
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,810
Oh.

394
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,147
A'ight. Me and Drew
will clean upstairs,

395
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:23,050
and you and Tonya
will clean downstairs.

396
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,985
Don't touch me.

397
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,826
My father made things
right with my mother.

398
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,429
Now I needed to make
things right with my Bird.

399
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:39,299
Hey, Dad, I need
to talk to you.

400
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,500
What's up?

401
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,435
Well, there's this girl.

402
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,503
And she likes me.

403
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,837
That's good.

404
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,039
And I really like her.

405
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:46,939
That's better.

406
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,308
The only thing is,

407
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,876
she's a little
awkward-looking.

408
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,044
Awkward?

409
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:53,046
Like she has one leg
longer than the other?

410
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,047
No.

411
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,149
Like she dislocated her shoulder

412
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,317
and they put it back wrong?

413
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,418
No.

414
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,387
Like her eyes are
too far apart?

415
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,488
No.

416
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,390
Like she's knock-kneed
and pigeon-toed,

417
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,258
and when she walks she
makes a clicking sound?

418
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:06,859
No.

419
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,328
It's just that these
football players

420
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,330
were calling her Big Bird
and stuff and...

421
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,232
I didn't really do
anything about it.

422
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:15,502
Chris, even if a girl's
eyes are too far apart,

423
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,037
I thought I told you never
to hurt a girl's feelings.

424
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,372
I know.

425
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,342
No, obviously you don't.

426
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,277
You think she'll forgive me?

427
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,979
I don't know. You'll have to
work that out with her.

428
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,982
Even if a girl's eyes are
too far apart.

429
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,388
I realized my mistake,

430
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,291
and Vanessa realized
that going out with Kill Moves

431
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:41,894
wasn't a mistake at all.

432
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,663
You were out
all night?

433
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,499
Oh, girl, that's
just the start of it.

434
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:49,902
We opened the champagne,
headed for the seaport.

435
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,939
There was a pink helicopter
waiting for me.

436
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,375
You can hear about the rest
of Vanessa's date

437
00:17:55,408 --> 00:18:00,647
at www.vanessa'sbigdate
withkillmoves.tv

438
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,283
After I gave Big Bird
the cold shoulder,

439
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,651
I thought she flew the coop.

440
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,619
You haven't seen her?
No, dude.

441
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:10,590
("Head Over Heels"
by Tears for Fears plays)

442
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:18,565
* I wanted to be
with you alone *

443
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:22,469
* And talk about the weather

444
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:27,240
* I'm lost in admiration,
did I need you this much? *

445
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,342
* Oh, you're wasting my time

446
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:33,012
* You're just, just,
just wasting time *

447
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:37,116
* Something happens
and I'm head over heels *

448
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:42,989
* I never find out till
I'm head over heels *

449
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:47,194
* Something happens
and I'm head over heels *

450
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,263
* Ah, don't take my heart,
don't break my heart *

451
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:53,700
* Don't, don't,
don't throw it away *

452
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,637
* Throw it away...

453
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,175
* Throw it away...

454
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,477
You look amazing.

455
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,046
I know. I decided I
wasn't going to let you

456
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,348
or anyone else crush me,

457
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,483
so my mom took me to
the mall for a makeover.

458
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,118
GUY:
Big Bird...

459
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,119
is that you?

460
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,021
My name is not Big Bird.

461
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,056
It's Kelly.

462
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,529
I'm sorry about what happened.
It's just...

463
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:25,198
It's just you were fine
going out with me so long as

464
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,434
nobody knew, because you didn't
want to be Big Bird's boyfriend?

465
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,701
Exactly!

466
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,603
No...

467
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:33,440
Let me make it up to you.
Let me take you out again.

468
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:36,476
No. Never. Het. Noya...

469
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,612
Unfortunately for me,
Kelly spoke 15 languages.

470
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:42,114
...Jo. Cuwa. Momo. Tla.

471
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,015
Was that Cherokee?

472
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,485
Domo arigato,
Mr. Roboto.

473
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,719
What?!

474
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,488
Kelly, I was a jerk.

475
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,423
I know. And as much as I'd like

476
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:53,493
to come here every day
and make you suffer,

477
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,495
I'm going to Paris
tomorrow.

478
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,496
Paris?

479
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,398
That's right, Paris.

480
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,700
I met a lady at the mall
named Cindy Crawford,

481
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,536
and she said she's going to turn
me into a supermodel.

482
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,573
I'm sorry.

483
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:07,707
I bet you are.

484
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,542
But imagine how sorry
you're going to be

485
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,279
when I turn around
and walk away.

486
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,747
See you later, Kermit.

487
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,485
Tonight's episode was brought
to you

488
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:21,588
by the letters D-A-M and N!

489
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:25,725
* Everybody hates Chris.

490
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:34,667
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

491
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,610
* Aw, make it funky now